Jumaat, 24 Februari 2012


Alhamdulilah. Semua sudah selamat. Kertas peperiksaan sudah ke tangan doctors.

Doa yang terbaik. Sekarang masa untuk bertawakkal, dan berusaha untuk ke Final.

Sejak semalan hati tak tenang, tiba-tiba rasa mahu menangis. Walaupun sudah 5 bulan, fakta tidak naik tahun bukan sesuatu yang baru. Selama ini sedikit air mata pun tidak jatuh, kerana kononnya sudah tabah dan reda. Tetapi, malam tadi tiba-tiba rasa kesal, sedih, dan lain-lain. 

I know I can do this. I know I'm much better about study. I know. But why I keep my behaviour this horrible. Act like I'm smart enough to cover up everything few days before the big exam begins. It is always the same thing over and over again. 

Change. I know I have to. and at this point I know that I will to. For the sake of my parents, at least.. 

Actually, I don't mind at all being the only hope in my family. In fact, I'm happy about that. I'm just a happy daughter who wish to make her parents proud of her. For every bad things I know I did to them before, I wish I can make them proud for every single thing I'm doing now. Well, stuff like being more religious, study harder, manage money more wisely and teach myself to love more about bakery since that's what my parents do in their everyday life. 

If you know me from my secondary school, you'll know that I'm not as kind/good girl as my friends were back then. Altho now I do appear more religious compare to my TIGS friends from the outside, only Allah knows how they still much better than I am.  I was from an all-gilrs-school. I always heard people said girls from this kind of school more gedik compare to mixed-boys-girls school. Well, if you are thinking the same thing, you are totally wrong. My friends was thousands times more innocent than I was. and that's why I love them. They don't hunt for boys. And of course, we don't really like if one of us having boyfriend around. 

After I enter university, learn more new stuff like usrah. I know that Allah really care for me. TIGS wasn't a religous school. I guess if it was a mixed school, teachers don't really mind if we mixed around, boys and girls to study together. But Allah put me in a group where everyone has a unique background. Like my friend, Ashida. She dressed completely like other normal malay girl, (not with long hijab)  But her Quran recital was thousand times better than I was (and still now -_- ) . and for every other girls in my group, they always have something which is better than me. Thanks Allah for putting me in the right place. Alas, it is always me who always not being grateful enough. Like they said, you won't appreciate something untill they're gone. In this case, time is gone. 

There are so much to be grateful for, ok let me list it down so that I can see (and keep in mind)

- having the 2nd chance to study medical
- parents who always proud & supported me eventho I keep failing
- friends who always be with me ; Malaysia / Egypt /anywhere in the world.  
- friends who accept me altho they know I'm NOT really good in friendship.
- friends who reminded me of Allah.
- and above of all, Allah is always there to keep me in a safe place, so that I can be in the right path to find Jannah. 

Ok have to stop writing. I don't know why my post suddenly turn to English from Malay. and also if you wonder why my English rotten so bad/never improve/like school-kids ; you must know I haven't speak in proper English for ages. (If you are an English teacher, please guide me! :D )  Plus, the professors here have the average English standard like most Malaysians do, so talking to them doesn't help much. *alasan* :P 

That's all for today's luahan hati.

If you read this, keep your one little dua for me, beauty please? :) 

2 ulasan:

  1. be strong ummu..
    gud luck..
    semoga di permudahkan urusan..

  2. Terima kasih mizah. :) appreciate it so much.


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